Navigating Christmas: A Therapist’s Perspective
For many, Christmas is a season of joy, togetherness, and tradition. But for others, it can be a challenging time marked by difficult family dynamics, feelings of loneliness, or unmet hopes and expectations. As a therapist, I often see how the holiday period amplifies the struggles my clients face—whether it’s navigating complex relationships with family or coping with being alone during a time that’s so often associated with connection.
If Christmas is a difficult or painful time for you, know that you’re not alone. This post offers reflections and practical tips to help you navigate the season, whether you’re managing strained family interactions or spending the holidays solo.
relational trauma and christmas
For families where there has been relational trauma, such as domestic and/or sexual abuse, the festive season can be particularly triggering. The pressure to engage with family members who may have caused harm can lead to significant emotional distress. Here are some considerations for navigating Christmas in these circumstances:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions—grief, anger, sadness— when reflecting on family trauma. Allow yourself the space to process these emotions without judgment. Avoid feeling like you need to minimise your emotions to keep the peace. It’s okay to honour where you are in your process without rushing to resolve everything for the sake of the holiday.
Prioritise Your Safety: If being in contact with certain family members feels unsafe, emotionally or physically, it’s okay to distance yourself. Your wellbeing should come first. Sometimes, the kindest thing to do for yourself might be not attend family celebrations altogether.
Seek Support: Share your feelings with a trusted friend, therapist, or support group. Sometimes, external validation can help you navigate feelings of guilt or obligation.
Redefine Family: Remember, family doesn’t have to mean blood relatives. Surrounding yourself with chosen family or supportive friends can create a nurturing environment that aligns with your needs.
Plan Self-Soothing Strategies: Have tools on hand to ground yourself if feelings of anxiety or distress arise. This could include deep breathing exercises, journalling, or engaging in a comforting activity, such as going for a walk in nature.
christmas and complex family dynamics
Family gatherings can be fraught with tension, unresolved conflict, or even feelings of rejection and resentment. The pressure to put on a happy face or hide certain parts of yourself can add another layer of stress. Here are some ideas of you might approach these dynamics:
Set Boundaries: Decide in advance what you’re willing to tolerate and where your limits lie. This might include how much time you’ll spend with family, topics you’re unwilling to discuss, or even declining invitations if necessary.
Focus on What You Can Control: You can’t change how others behave, but you can manage your responses. Practicing mindfulness techniques or taking a moment to step away and ground yourself can help.
Have an Exit Strategy: If things become too overwhelming, have a plan to leave—whether it’s physically removing yourself from a gathering or mentally disengaging from a heated conversation.
Manage Expectations: Family interactions often become more manageable when we adjust our expectations. Accepting that certain dynamics are unlikely to change can sometimes make them easier to navigate. Freeing yourself from the expectation that Christmas with family needs to look or feel a certain way can reduce the pressure to fix or change dynamics, allowing you to approach the day with greater acceptance and ease.
spending christmas on your own
Christmas can feel deeply isolating if you’re far from loved ones, have distanced yourself from family, or are facing circumstances that prevent you from experiencing the warm, celebratory moments that others seem to be enjoying. While it’s natural to grieve the absence of family or traditions, this time can also offer opportunities for self-care and personal connection:
Create Your Own Traditions: Treat yourself to a special meal, watch your favorite film, or go for a walk in a nearby park. Establishing your own rituals can make the day feel meaningful.
Connect Virtually: If physical distance separates you from loved ones, schedule a video call or exchange thoughtful messages to maintain a sense of connection.
Volunteer: Helping others can be incredibly fulfilling and reduce a sense of isolation. Many charities and community groups look for volunteers during the holiday season.
Lean Into Rest: Sometimes, the best gift you can give yourself is the permission to rest. Use the day to recharge and reflect on what’s most important to you.
practical tips for everyone
Regardless of your circumstances, these general practices can help you navigate the emotional highs and lows of the holiday season:
Practice Self-Compassion: It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling. The holiday season can reopen old emotional wounds, making this a challenging time for many. If you find yourself overwhelmed, allow space for your emotions to surface fully. Rather than avoiding feelings like anger, sadness, or pain, try sitting with them—acknowledging their presence. This intentional acceptance can create a path toward greater understanding, forgiveness and healing.
Set Small, Achievable Goals: Whether it’s baking cookies, writing a few holiday cards, or decorating your space, small acts can create a sense of accomplishment and joy.
Stay Grounded in the Present: Mindfulness techniques, like deep breathing or a gratitude practice, can help bring you back to the moment and reduce anxiety about what ‘should’ be happening.
Reach Out for Support: Whether it’s a friend, a helpline, or a therapist, talking about your feelings can be a powerful way to process them.
Prepare for Post-Christmas Recovery: Take a day or two to do the things you love. If you’re feeling emotionally and mentally drained, focus on deep rest and slow, calming activities that nurture your body. These activities don’t have to require much thought or planning but are effective in helping you restore a sense of balance.
HELPFUL NUMBERS
National Domestic Abuse Helpline: For 24/7 support around domestic abuse, you can call NDAH on 0808 2000 247.
Rape Crisis: For 24/7 support around rape and sexual abuse, call 0808 500 222.
Samaritans: For confidential mental health support 24/7, call 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org.
CALM: For support in a mental health crisis, call 0800 58 58 58. CALM's helpline and web chat are open from 5 pm to midnight, every day of the year.
Mind Infoline: For mental health information and advice, call 0300 102 1234, Monday to Friday, 9 am to 6 pm (except bank holidays).
Shout Crisis Text Line: 24/7 text service for anyone in crisis, text SHOUT to 85258, available 24/7.
The Mix: Provides support for young people under 25 via phone (0808 808 4994), text (85258), and online chat (Monday to Friday, 4 pm to 11 pm).
Age UK: Provides support to older people; call 0800 687 1602, open 8 am to 7 pm, every day of the year.
Switchboard: Provides listening services, information and support for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Switchboard’s helpline (0800 0119 100) is open 10 am to 10 pm, every day of the year.
BEAT: Offers information and advice on eating disorders. Beat's helpline (0808 801 0677) is open Monday to Friday, 3 pm to 8 pm.
You can also consult Mind’s website for some information on additional support services:
Conclusion
Christmas doesn’t have to look a certain way to be meaningful. By focusing on what feels authentic and nourishing for you, it’s possible to navigate the season with a sense of agency and care. Whether you’re balancing complex family dynamics or creating a quiet, solo celebration, remember that your experience is valid and worthy of attention.
